I Thought We Would Never Speak Again

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· 111 ratings · 15 reviews

Start your review of I Thought We'd Never Speak Again: The Road from Estrangement to Reconciliation

I was halfway through this until I remembered that I have no desire to reconnect or forgive the assholes of my past, but I will definitely use the good ideas inside this book if I ever decide to give a shit!!

This book is helpful for those hoping to establish resolution for estranged and broken relationships. You'll find many excerpted interviews with people who've suffered abuse, betrayal and many other instances of wrong doings sharing their stories and experiences on their reconciliations, and reasons for choosing not to reconcile by learning to walk away. We're also taught how to make peace with ourselves in irreconcilable situations.
There is also a questionnaire to help us decide if we're ready This book is helpful for those hoping to establish resolution for estranged and broken relationships. You'll find many excerpted interviews with people who've suffered abuse, betrayal and many other instances of wrong doings sharing their stories and experiences on their reconciliations, and reasons for choosing not to reconcile by learning to walk away. We're also taught how to make peace with ourselves in irreconcilable situations.
There is also a questionnaire to help us decide if we're ready to reconcile a strained relationship, with the necessary steps to take when we're ready to.
I'd highly recommend this book. It's a good book to help discern whether a relationship can be salvaged. As a memoir writer who struggled for years with a mother who made it impossible to retain a relationship with, I found this book comforting and validating in regards to the decisions I've made with my own struggles. ...more

Mar 24, 2021 Vijai Sharma rated it really liked it

I THOUGHT WE'D NEVER SPEAK AGAIN
(The road from estrangement to reconciliation)
By Laura Davis, Harper Collins publishers, 2002, pp 342, $24.95(in US)
Reviewed by: Vijai K Sharma

Our relationships with others are very important in life, but are delicate like a thread. Due to some minor points, these may be subjected to stress and strain, causing slow or sudden deterioration. There may be breakdown in communication, estrangement, and hostility for several years, or a total break in relationship. Many instances are due to some misunderstandings, anger or betrayal by the persons involved. Such cases could be between parents and children, husband and wife, between children, between friends, victims of war and criminals etc. There will be many types of such cases, with each one being a unique one. But reconciliation and reunion is possible. Peace can be restored through reconciliation, by resolving the trouble spots in such relationships. An important factor, which plays an important part, is forgiveness. The author offers lectures & workshops on reconciliation, and has written several books, 1.8 million copies of which have been sold worldwide.
Besides Contents, a special Preface to first edition, Acknowledgements, & Introduction, it has 11 Chapters in 5 parts, in which "preparing the ground, marshaling your strength, opening the heart, making amends & finding peace" are covered. These are followed by, information about free reconciliation newsletter, Appendix A: Are you ready for reconciliation, Appendix B-Ideas for Reflection & Discussion, and Index. As per the introductory Chapter, with loss of a precious relationship, the fabric of life is torn. For repairing such damaged relationships, and changing blame to acceptance and love, we have to go step by step. Such steps are stated herein. It is like an action-in-progress. With passage of time and effort, different levels of relationships can be achieved. According to Chapter 1, no one likes estrangement. But if does happen, it causes pain, anger, sorrow, discomfort and shrinkage of life, especially when the relationship is close. When estrangement is severe and recent, reconciliation is very difficult. Factors like time, distance, wisdom, maturity, and experiences of life cause automatic healing, by fading and removal of the images of the events, blame and anger etc. Due to some events in the family e.g. death of persons, births of children, some close person's life threatening crisis, we feel internally, or are forced by outside circumstances to reconsider such breaks in relationships. Chapter 2 states that all relationships need to be nurtured for making them healthy, for which Communication skills play a very important role. Instances of physical, sexual or psychological violence cause extreme shock, which cannot be forgiven. However, when the sufferings caused are acknowledged truly from within the heart, reconciliation can be achieved in reality. As per Chapter 3 we should list out and evaluate the causes of old points of differences, conflicts and complaints, ways the estrangement is helping in any way, and what it is costing. Based on our internal assessment, we can channelise our efforts and actions, and not become hopeless. We should look beyond the ways the wrong was done, and see a total picture. For possible reconciliation and its type and level, we should consider the strengths, weaknesses, capabilities and willingness of the persons involved on both sides. Even in a normal relationship, ebb and flow of closeness does take place. The sessions of mediation between the victims and the perpetrators, have to be carefully prepared, wherein the victims have to be allowed to speak first. As per Chapter 4, just before initiation of efforts for reconciliation, there is fear on both sides. It needs lot of courage and inner strength. However, one small step in the right direction can lead to surprises and miracles. Many victims suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder, and they may have feelings of disinterest in life, or even think of ending of life. In such cases, victim-offender mediation programmes are helpful, even though slow. However, we must consider the positive and negative points of various factors, when either we are taking the first step towards reconciliation, or responding to such a gesture from the other side. We should proceed slowly, take risks in a gradual manner, have positive outlook and also make visible changes in the patterns of our behaviour. Chapter 5 advises us to have patience, never giving up and following the matter continuously. Often such reconciliations are richly rewarding, and ending on a happy note. The author writes about the concept of teshuvah or turning the life around, in which, the person who has wronged, asks forgiveness from the victim, and then changes his behaviour. For this process, we can have individual therapy, family therapy, religious counselling and the internal divine help. Above all, the long-term comfort should be the guiding factor. But it may not happen in one smooth event. There will be different stages and events in this process e.g. breakthroughs, setbacks, moments of determination etc. Distances have to be bridged, leading to a win-win situation. Sometimes amazing results have been achieved e.g. the victims and perpetrators of the victim and their relatives have come together, to stop things like violence amongst youth. As per Chapter 6, if we tell truth lovingly, listen honestly and have an effective communication, healing of the broken relationship will be possible. We should use right and appropriate words and tone, and analyze the situation correctly. Formation of family circles is advised, in which one person is allowed to speak at a time, during which all should listen carefully, and no comments should be made and only some clarifications can be asked through some questions. With honest dialogue, trust and respect for all persons and their points of view, reconciliation can be made. Chapter 7 states that we should not condemn a person, think of other person's pain and be unselfish. We should see and accept our imperfections first, (and not make judgements on others) and put ourselves in other's shoes to get a full view of any situation. The author narrates about the event, when an American soldier and a North Vietnamese soldier met, long after the war was over. There was more compassion and less hatred, since there was loss and sufferings in the war on both sides. Chapter 8 discusses about responsibility, humility and accountability. It advises us to continuously look within ourselves and examine our actions, motives, intentions and shortcomings. We must analyze our exact role, and accept our responsibility in the estrangements, apologize sincerely and change our behaviour consistently. This has considerable healing power.
About the book, about the author & her photo have been given at appropriate places in the book, which the author has dedicated to her parents. Nineteen authors & directors of some organizations have given Praise & Comments. The book has 6 boxes giving summary of important points, 35 footnotes, 45 quotations, 2 poems & a large number of Case studies. Every page of the book gives hope and provides ways for reconciliation. It is a realistic guide. Summing up, by her powerful style of writing, she has made a very valuable contribution by writing on this topic. This book shares the keys for resolving troubled relationships & finding peace, through reconciliation. It is useful for every one of us, irrespective of age, gender or country, in case we are in the need of reconciliation. It is equally useful, for avoiding estrangement with other persons in future, and continuing to have peace.

.................vijaiksharma

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It's ironic how I ended up with this book in my hands. Through a writer's group, and although I have never met her, I am aware of another author by the name of Laura Davis. I wanted to purchase her book so I decided to by a copy on line. I didn't know the title of her book, so I just googled her name. Without further investigation I ordered a copy of "I Thought We Would Never Speak Again" by Laura Davis, thinking it was hers. Within a short time, I soon realized that this was not the same author It's ironic how I ended up with this book in my hands. Through a writer's group, and although I have never met her, I am aware of another author by the name of Laura Davis. I wanted to purchase her book so I decided to by a copy on line. I didn't know the title of her book, so I just googled her name. Without further investigation I ordered a copy of "I Thought We Would Never Speak Again" by Laura Davis, thinking it was hers. Within a short time, I soon realized that this was not the same author, only one with the same name. It came as somewhat of a surprise as I chastised myself for making such a silly error.

In the end, it wasn't a big deal as I proceeded to read the book I had now purchased. I obviously chose the topic of this non-fiction book for a reason. I think it's pretty safe to say that most of us experience friction in some of our relationship over the span of a life time. I am no exception. When I read the title of Davis' book it grabbed my attention immediately. I was looking for answers to help solve the mystery of some of the friction in my own life. My goal was to see if there was any hope at reconciliation.

I would have to say that Davis' book is very well-written and researched as far as interviewing what seemed like several hundred people living with troubled relationships or estrangement. She then proceeded to compile their stories and how they personally handled their situations. Davis also wrote about her troubled relationship with her own mother and how they eventually worked things out.

I was somewhat disappointed in the content of the book because it took several chapters until I could actually find what I was searching for as far as looking for the answer to my own troubled relationship. I didn't find the book easy to read or to relate to because the reasons for the estrangement in the stories Davis retold, didn't seem to apply to my situation. It was difficult to generalize in order to make the interviewee's experiences work for me. I also wanted to hear more about Davis' story about her own personal reconciliation. I really wasn't expecting to read a compilation of other people's stories as told to her. However, I will say this...Davis did a thorough job of researching her topic. I just didn't find it personal enough to satisfy my own search for reconciliation. And yes...on a personal note, I eventually read the book I had initially intended to purchase.

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Too many typos & long anecdotes

I wish this book had been less of a collection of people's stories of wonderful reconnection and more about the complex emotional algebra that goes into reconciling with a loved one. The chapter on how to work through your own emotions first could have come sooner, and more strategies on how to navigate relationships where the other person is mentally ill would've been much more helpful for me. In the end, I skipped over many of the long stories which either didn't

Too many typos & long anecdotes

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Dec 22, 2021 Marsha rated it liked it

This is a very interesting book with some useful ways of thinking about estrangement and reconciliation from and with important people in one's life. I appreciated the personal examples of situations people have gone through and how they have each found their own path towards reconciliation (or not). The case examples are perhaps the highlight of the book but also the drawback. It was a little difficult to keep track of some of the people that she referred to more than once. And after a while ma This is a very interesting book with some useful ways of thinking about estrangement and reconciliation from and with important people in one's life. I appreciated the personal examples of situations people have gone through and how they have each found their own path towards reconciliation (or not). The case examples are perhaps the highlight of the book but also the drawback. It was a little difficult to keep track of some of the people that she referred to more than once. And after a while many of the situations started to feel a bit repetitive. I also wondered if she had actually done interviews with some of the people who had already written books about their stories. I would've liked to have known that she did speak with those individuals as well. Some of the stories might be difficult to read for many people as there are a lot of narratives about childhood abuse which one would expect from this particular author as that is her personal experience as well as the focus of her other well-known book (The Courage to Heal). If you were looking for some insight on how to reconcile with an important person in your life then I think this book could prove to be very helpful. Personally I was not looking for that but I still found it to be insightful regarding how people can manage reconciliation. ...more

Five Question Book Review:

Describe this book in one word: enlightening

Makes you want to (i.e. sleep, eat, run, screw)?: call up old friends and my dad

Should be read with: anger, handling a powerful emotion in a healthy way by gary chapman

Famous person you'd recommend this book to?: kim kardashian

Would you read this book again?: no, i don't usually reread self help - i take what i can and then move on

Five Question Book Review:

Describe this book in one word: enlightening

Makes you want to (i.e. sleep, eat, run, screw)?: call up old friends and my dad

Should be read with: anger, handling a powerful emotion in a healthy way by gary chapman

Famous person you'd recommend this book to?: kim kardashian

Would you read this book again?: no, i don't usually reread self help - i take what i can and then move on

...more

Jul 28, 2012 Nona rated it really liked it

My mother suggested this book to me and it proved to be balm to my soul. Although it was not written by a Christian, it has some of the same principals. The author tackles the emerging issue: reconciling relationships sundered by betrayal, anger, and misunderstanding. The most helpful thing I learned was to step back, try to see things from the others point of view.

I did enjoy the personal stories. But, a few of them left me very uncomfortable. There was some good advice, but I just kept thinking the book would be better served to be organized in a different way. I don't feel like I wasted my time with this book, but I also don't think it was life-altering. There were several spelling errors too on the Kindle Version. I did enjoy the personal stories. But, a few of them left me very uncomfortable. There was some good advice, but I just kept thinking the book would be better served to be organized in a different way. I don't feel like I wasted my time with this book, but I also don't think it was life-altering. There were several spelling errors too on the Kindle Version. ...more

Oct 07, 2007 Arwen rated it it was amazing

I highly recommend this book. Laura Davis' use of personal narrative to highlight the myriad of ways that people become estranged and then work toward reconciliation is wonderful! She suggests that "reconciliation" can take a number of forms, including that estranged people don't actually have to speak again to be reconciled (i.e. reconciliation is in the eyes of the beholder). I highly recommend this book. Laura Davis' use of personal narrative to highlight the myriad of ways that people become estranged and then work toward reconciliation is wonderful! She suggests that "reconciliation" can take a number of forms, including that estranged people don't actually have to speak again to be reconciled (i.e. reconciliation is in the eyes of the beholder). ...more

Dec 05, 2007 Mike rated it it was amazing

Recommends it for: Everyone!

Wonderful collection of stories around reconciliation. If you feel an estrage relationship in your life, this book is great to organize your thoughts and packed with advice.

Jan 20, 2015 Karen Stevens rated it it was amazing

Inspirational book to read when one is dealing with a difficult relationship. The stories shared provide ideas, understanding, hope, courage, and support. Well done.

i probably need to check this out again.

In her 30+ year career as an author and writing teacher, Laura Davis has written seven non-fiction books that change peoples' lives. Laura's ground-breaking books have been translated into 11 languages and sold more than two million copies.

The Courage to Heal and The Courage to Heal Workbook paved the way for hundreds of thousands of women and men to heal from the trauma of sexual abuse. Becomi

The Courage to Heal and The Courage to Heal Workbook paved the way for hundreds of thousands of women and men to heal from the trauma of sexual abuse. Becoming the Parent You Want to Be a rich resource guide, co-authored with parenting expert Janis Keyser, helps parents develop a vision for the families they want to create. And I Thought We'd Never Speak Again teaches the skills of reconciliation and peace building to the world, one relationship at a time.

Her forthcoming October 2021 memoir, The Burning Light of Two Stars: A Mother-Daughter Story, tells the story of Laura's dramatic and tumultuous relationship with her mother, Temme, from the time of Laura's birth until her mother's death. This story about "two souls who just wouldn't quit each other" provides a no-holds-barred peek at the real Laura—the woman behind the teacher, the facilitator, and author.

If you pre-order The Burning Light of Two Stars today, you can claim a variety of great thank you gifts (like immediate access to the first five chapters of the book), as well as other bonuses—just hop over to Laura's website and let her know you've bought the book: https://lauradavis.net/the-burning-li... and you can download your bonuses right away.

Laura's love of words extends into her teaching life. She loves building communities of writers and teaches weekly writing workshops online and in Santa Cruz California. and leads transformative writing retreats in northern California, Bali, Peru, Italy, Spain, Vietnam and other international destinations. As the founder and moderator of a free online writing community, The Writer's Journey Roadmap, Laura sends out evocative writing prompts by email every Tuesday.

To learn about Laura's classes and retreats, subscribe to her weekly prompts, or receive a free e-book, free e-book, "Writing Towards Courage: A Thirty Day Practice,"

You can find Laura at: www.lauradavis.net.
Facebook: LauraDavis&TheWritersJourney
Instagram: laurasaridavis

Laura lives in Santa Cruz, California with her spouse Karyn and their new yellow lab puppy, Luna. She enjoys swimming, hiking, mahjong, making kombucha, motion theater, her grandchildren, and of course, writing.

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Source: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/443260.I_Thought_We_d_Never_Speak_Again

I Thought We Would Never Speak Again

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